Isn’t this just like me? A new post… approximately 11 months overdue. It’s almost a talent to not write this long.
Something and someone has silenced me over the past months.
It’s paralysis meets complete unoriginality. They buried themselves into my mind and they’ve rendered my senses inoperative. Brutes! How could they?
But then I suppose it was also two other culprits, love and Love.
It’s gone something like this…
If you take note from my previous post, there was a man.
And this man decided we should be together. I agreed!
Then he left on an assignment to Afghanistan:
Then he came back.
And then something incredible happened…this man, who has been so steady and confident in his love for me since before he was deployed, gave me a ring and asked me to be his wife.
And now I am a fiancée! Planning a wedding.
There it is. Life has been so beautifully abnormal.
Another thing happened in 2010. I. Stopped. Writing.
I did not just stop writing on my blog (that’s not unusual!). This year has marked the year where I did not fill up countless numbers of journals… I only completed one journal. One. Journal. This is highly abnormal of me.
Despite the attempts of my incredible fiancé who encouraged me to write more and to explore this love of mine, I just couldn’t.
I felt disabled.
Even more, my oh so expressive side was…inexpressive. I could hardly come up with a coherent sentence to tell Beau, my Lord, or the people around me, about how much I cared about them. How much I love them.
The other day I think I caught a glimpse of revelation that is making its way into my being.
I am overwhelmed by love. My only response has been silence.
Is this love that I cannot describe or convey or analyze? Is this love that creeps into my heart without any preparation on my part and speaks, “Quiet. Your words will only tarnish the life Love leads in you.”
So I am left to glean from all that I see Him doing. To grow in the midst of His ever expanding love in my life.
Expressing myself and steeping in the fancies of love will come, I hope. Right now I drink Loves richness. I put the cup down. And I am quiet.
I am not so far Him as I am when I retreat into my mind. Love has brought me out. Exposed me for who I am. Wrapped me up in what I do not deserve.
Only Love could silence this much too bubbly, exceedingly expressive, ever-reacting woman.
Love calls me by name. Love requests my silence.